Today, I will have to publish two blogs. Yes, after neglecting blogging for such a long time, two in one day. And no, I cannot spread them out because today is a special day in Germany and it is a special day for my family and it is a special day for me. I want to (and indeed feel I have to) share with you my thoughts, ideas and feelings. It is a message of love, of healing and of working towards your dreams, one step, one lightbulb moment at a time. And for this blog, one love and cuddle fest at a time. Here we go…
Late this morning, almost lunchtime, my son Tajun came by. We had not expected him. He came yesterday from the City of Münster where he lives in two hours away to visit his grandparents and have a belated 80th birthday dinner for his granddad. He told us that he cannot come to visit us this weekend as he has to return home for a party at the student halls and he has to help with preparations. Still, before he hit the Autobahn, the German highway, again with his motorbike, he had to stop over here to give us a cuddle.
What a nice surprise this was! I had hoped he’d do that but I didn’t want to pressure him. He works hard during the week and riding his bike in less than ideal weather is not that easy, either, I am sure. As it is, he always splits himself between grandparents, his friends and us when he is here, or he stays home and spends time with his friends there. At his age, I used to live in London, so I couldn’t go home over the weekend but I could party, usually during the week. I studied, worked and partied. I had boundless energy. It seems like a lifetime ago now but this way I have an understanding of all the things that are going on in my son’s life. Been there, done that, won the t-shirt.
He said he could not leave without having cuddled us. He was so very loving and my heart simply flowed over as we all three, Tarini included, held each other tightly, kissed cheeks and said how much we love each other. I would so love for him to be able to stay here and so would he but he is, unfortunately, allergic to our cat Taani, Tarini’s animal familiar. Those two are soulmates. Tajun loves the cat a lot as well. He sometimes caresses and strokes her and washes his hands afterwards but usually starts getting watery eyes and an itchy nose quite quickly, anyway. I think it hurts all of us that we cannot be together more but for now, we must live with it the way it is.
When I showed him what I had written last night, the raw version on paper, he was impressed. Seven A4 pages are nothing to me, and yet, the most he had ever written were 6 half pages in his final German exams at school he said. I have noticed that since I showed him the amazing 5-star review from The Magic Book Corner for my book Tank, the first part of the Seals in Spain Trilogy, he is taking my writing more seriously and is more appreciative of what I do. He said if he ever needs anything written, he knows where to come to for help. Haha! As if I had any idea about the technicalities of sanitary, heating and A/C systems or the details of weaponry. Firearms are another of his passions besides being a history buff with a view to strategy and warfare.
I like heroes in uniforms but I’ve only ever once fired a gas pistol (that’s what I was told what it was at the time) one New Year’s Eve when I was a teenager with a fireworks bullet in it. The handgun was heavy and loud and I didn’t think at the time I would ever care to repeat the experience. I never really read up in detail about firearms, the technicalities and mechanics of it. In theory, Tajun could build you a gun. He loves the mechanics of it all. So I told him, I wasn’t sure I would be able to help had he ever to write something. He said we can do it together. Now that would be a cool project.
The three of us spent ten minutes in each other’s arms, hugging and kissing before Tajun had to go on to be home in time to help people on his floor to empty the communal room for the party. Today is German Unity Day. We are celebrating when the wall to Eastern Germany had come down in 1989 (read this article from 2015 by The Local) and our country had once become one nation. The Allied forces had split Germany amongst themselves after the war and as free as the parts were that had been occupied by Western forces, as enslaved the Soviet-rules Eastern part was which had been ruled by a puppet regime, which was called the German Democratic Republic, an allegedly socialist state, although there was nothing much social about it and most of all, it wasn’t really democratic at all.
Today, our country is free and unified, at least on paper, although it is said it takes a generation for people to mentally unify themselves again. That’s my children’s generation and in many ways, I love how their minds work. They see the world through different eyes. No Cold War or Iron Curtain clouds their vision, no wall restricts their travels. That is a great blessing and with all the challenges we face today, we often forget all the blessings we are gifted with now that we didn’t have thirty years ago.
My greatest blessing today is the unity of our family for ten minutes. Yes, my middle daughter was missing in the family hug and love fest but three out of four is still damn good. And the love I feel now from this is the wind beneath my wings. Tajun asked me to send him the link to the blog when I have written and posted it. I think it is the first time he ever asked me to do that. Usually, I sent him a link now and then and hoped that he would take the time to read it. Our relationship is taking on another, new dynamic. He is growing into an impressive young man and I am so very proud of him, just as I am proud of my daughters Tarjani and Tarini, of course. But today, it was about him dropping in for just a few minutes, standing in the hallway in his biker gear, he only took the helmet off, not wanting to skip town without holding us in his arms for a few minutes at least.