Hello my beautiful souls!
This week, I have been prompted to revisit my past. Several things happened that led me to travel back on memory lane, reviewing my journey with and to the Divine Feminine.
I started on my journey when I re-read a book, many years ago, called Circle of Isis by Ellen Cannon Reed that I had originally bought in London in the 90s, when I used to live in the UK's capital where I started on my spiritual journey (in earnest). I re-read the book during a car journey with my two older children, the youngest wasn't born yet, my mum and dad and my aunt. I had my first vision of a Goddess then, Tefnut, most of which I don't recall because she pulled me into my subconscious, so I was physically asleep.
What remains with me is the feeling of unconditional love that surprised so much because I had never experienced this from anyone but my maternal grandmother. And she didn't know about most things in my teenage years and young adulthood (she died a year before my first child was born), so I wasn't convinced that someone could love me like that if they knew everything about me. And Tefnut did. And she loved me anyway.
This incident started a journey into the feminine mysteries, my own healing around the witch's, the mother's, the sister's wound... You name it, I had it. And it manifested through toxic friendships with women who were anything but real friends. I was taken advantage of, made to feel less-than, not good enough, I was talked badly about behind my back, my secrets I'd shared in confidence, in privacy, were spread to other people in a negative way, and so forth.
I am happy to say that my journey of healing remedied that and I now have female friends and acquaintances in my life that are of a totally different character. They support, cheer you on, keep your confidence, have healthy boundaries (as do I now) and share in your joys, celebrating your wins with you, rather than feeling threatened by them.
This journey of awareness, healing and self-empowerment happened in stages. It happened with the support of many beautiful souls, but also with the ever-increasing number of Goddesses that came to me, taught me, loved me unconditionally and shared their wisdom with me. And then, they nudged me to share it with the world.
As these Goddesses presented themselves to me, I did research on them, read books, articles online, academic papers, etc. When I started my website, I thought it would be good to have a blog presenting these Goddesses among other things, so I wrote short articles about them, but then turned them into permanent pages on my website, some Gods and Power Animals found their way there as well, later Tarot and other categories were added.
Thus, my Divine Library was created with the aim of providing mythological background (or biological in case of the Power Animals)Â and spiritual information in one container.
When I did an Usui Reiki Master refresher course in 2017, Goddesses showed up in my healing sessions to support me in my work, then, bit by bit, whenever they felt I was ready for it, shared new, powerful symbols with me to create a new modality which I call Goddess Reiki.
The imposter syndrome hit hard, my personal life was in shambles and the general overwhelm led me to spiralling into severe burnout in 2019. But even and especially then, the Goddesses never left my side, soothed me when I was distraught, wrecked with guilt about "failing as a mother" as I thought I was then, and helped me to embark on a journey of self-discovery, compassion and patience. I learned to set firm boundaries to protect and honour myself, to stop overly self-sacrificing, people-pleasing and taking myself and my own needs seriously and making them a priority.
I remember many months of mainly lying in bed, unable to keep mental focus, drifting in and out of different dimensions and thinking to myself, you've survived worse, you'll get through this, just be patient, this, too, shall pass. And then Wadjet was there, an Egyptian cobra Goddess who is definitely not the loving coddling type that I was convinced I needed. Frankly, I was desperate for a kind word and a warm hug. But Wadjet told me, she wouldn't be there if I didn't need her, so I should trust.
I didn't trust, but I didn't have the strength to put up an argument, let alone a fight. And that "weakness" turned out to be my salvation. Being unable to put up barriers, blocks and filters, I was open to be filled with anything. And Wadjet led me on a spirit journey and, power player that she is, protected me from all negative psychic influences during this process. Sometimes my Power Animals Cobra or Jaguar were there, too, sometimes other Goddesses came to join and share their love and wisdom. And I received my cuddles from my Power Animal Wolf. It's the nicest feeling to visit with him and feel his thick fur under my fingers as I caress him.
Coming out of burnout was a long, slow process that required as much patience as discipline in self-care. But it was worth it. I learned and grew so much that I can now honestly say, "Thank fuck, it's over!" But also, "Thank fuck, it happened!"
Because yeah, I needed it. Sometimes change only comes and is embraced when the pain gets so bad that we can no longer ignore it. In an ideal scenario, it's best, of course, to work on yourself deeply and consistently enough to avoid such dramatic events in the first place. But as a Scorpio Sun with Leo ascendant and Taurus moon, it won't surprise you to learn that I am damn stubborn and hold on to things long past their sell-by date. I had also been afraid to face my "demons", thinking that I might have just such a breakdown that would render me incapable of caring properly for my children.
Well, guess what happened. My psyche wasn't on my ego-timeline. It forced the issue. So yeah, don't expect your own subconscious, the universe or whatever, work on your plans, your timelines. Nib that issue in the bud, before it becomes dramatic. It's never as bad as it seems when you face it, rather than ignore, avoid and run from it. I learned it the hard way.
The good new is, there is a softer version. A kinder, more loving and gentler one, yet infinitely more powerful. And that is to discover, embrace and embody your own feminine power through working with Goddesses, their divine energies and the power of their archetypes. And with all my experience, knowledge, and wisdom gained through my own journey, I am ready and able to support you in your own journey in becoming your own Goddess, your own powerful feminine divine being, using and combining various modalities and enlisting the support of powerful feminine Goddess archetypes to do so.
Contact me for any questions you may have and don't be shy to ask. Send a message to tirzathesmilinggoddess@gmail.com and let's chat!
Or you can book a session directly here:
Tirza's Tarot Tuesday
Tirza's Tarot Tuesday is live and this week's reading features Saraswati as Goddess of the week.
She is the Hindu Goddess of of Learning and the fine and performing arts.
Find out more and watch my weekly Tirza's Tarot Tuesday video here:
To read more about Saraswati, click on the image:
Goddess Quick Guide - Naunet
This week's Goddess Quick Guide is that of the ancient Egyptian Goddess Naunet who is the Goddess of primordial waters.
You can read all about her on my website (click the picture of the Goddess above to do so) and watch her Goddess Quick Guide either on her page on my website or directly on YouTube.
Click on the button for my Goddesses playlist (I've added some more this week, too) and watch Naunet's short video below:
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Lots of love from my heart to yours and see you next week,
Tirza xxx
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