Hello my beautiful souls!
For my birthday, I asked my children to go to a concert. Not The Hopping Hippos, though. For those of you who don't follow my romance author account, The Hopping Hippos are a fictional rockband in a why choose romance book. Part 1 was published last year and on my birthday, 9 days ago, I published a second part, a free download for my newsletter subscribers. So yeah, they are fictional characters who don't exist in real life. And, therefore, I can't go to their concerts (not in real life, anyway, lol).
So instead, I opted for the band Smash into Pieces after checking if they'd come to Cologne (Köln). They did. But by the time my son booked, Cologne was sold out and he got tickets for Frankfurt (2 hours' drive) instead. We were going to eat Italian pizza first and then go to the concert. As we were late arriving because the navigator sent us on the long route (the shorter one was apparently blocked or had traffic jam), we decided to buy a takeaway at a Pizza Hut we saw in passing and eat a bit in the car before going to the concert venue.
Now I had made a few false assumptions about the whole event which had bearings on me that evening. First of all, I thought, from seeing posts of Smash into Pieces on social media, that they were much more successful already and expected to find myself in a large arena where I could go sit on the sides because of my physical chronic injuries, I can't stand for hours anymore. My feet, knee and back will start being in pain quite quickly. But it was a club venue without seats, so even though I was wearing my back support belt, I was already in slight pain from the bumps on the road driving down to Frankfurt. It wasn't that bad, however, so I thought if I could sit watching the concert, I'd be alright with taking some painkillers once I got home again and went to sleep with a hot water bottle in my back.
There were no seats! And there were two other bands playing for quite a long time before Smash into Pieces even started. So my son Tajun and I went to the back of the room and I sat down on the surprisingly clean, but very cold floor. The first two bands were great, I just hadn't expected them. The last time I had been to modern music concerts larger than in pubs and similarly small places, was in my teens. Aha, The Cure, Duran Duran and Lenny Kravitz. You can tell, I am completely out of the loop with all of that, haha!
If I'd known there would be two bands before and nowhere to sit, I'd not have gone. I am so glad I didn't know, though. As I was sitting there, enjoying the music, I thought how peaceful the vibe of the audience was. Completely chilled. There wasn't anyone who felt like they needed to prove anything to themselves or put on an act, let alone anyone feeling hostile. And I loved it. Even the security at the door had the warmest, friendliest and most welcoming smiles. I had been a little bit worried about maybe feeling a little claustrophobic in a crowd. I've been avoiding dense crowds post-burnout, so feeling at peace had thus far been in a controlled environment for me.
While I felt a stabbing pain in my hips, I opted to close my eyes and breathe through it, and that's when it happened. I immediately sank down into a meditative state and was surrounded by golden light. The pain disappeared (for the duration of the experience and was a lot better afterwards) and Stag appeared in my inner vision. He stood proud and strong, just like last time when I wrote about him, only, we weren't in a forest setting. He didn't physically smile, but I felt him smile. And then he said, "You are a lot stronger already than you ever thought. Don't be afraid. You are here to see just that, no more fear, no more anxiety around people. You don't need to protect yourself any longer by avoidance. You're back in life now!"
And then I was back at the concert, Smash into Pieces came on stage and I got up and danced (as much as I can, which is swinging from one leg to the other and moving my hips mainly, as I can't do jumps and shaking my body more wildly anymore). It felt great. I was in the zone, I was happy, elated, shouting and applauding at the end of a song, becoming one with the music... I think, you can tell from the pictures I took with my son, how aglow with joy I was, how alive I felt. - And how strong inside.
(And yes, before you ask, yes, my son is very much taken. And I love his girlfriend very much, too!)
So would I do that again? No. I had to take opiates afterwards at home because of the pain I was in when I got home and I hate the feeling I get, having a clouded mind and headache from the dehydrating effect, so I only take it when I absolutely have to.
Do I regret going? Absolutely not! It was so worth it! I had so much fun and wonderful conversations with my son, I got to see how strong I have become again, how resilient and at peace even amidst a large crowd and having to squeeze through the throng at times, and I had not the slightest bit of a remnant of anxiety/panic burnout symptoms anymore. That, more than anything else, showed me not only how far I've come in my healing process but also, how well my dedication to selfcare and working on myself with different techniques has paid off. Patience was never my strong suit, but I had to learn it to find inner peace eventually.
And when Stag appeared to me in the middle of a loud concert with a lightshow that could have unalived a person suffering from epilepsy, amidst a large crowd of people and confirmed to me that I had embodied his energy fully, hell yeah, I was so damn proud of myself! And for all of you who suffer from some form of anxiety or similar conditions, I hope this can be an inspiration to you to know that you can find peace and mental stability again, even if it takes a couple of years or more. Yes, you have to do the work consistently, but it pays off in the end, and you come out a lot happier and much less trigger-happy at the other end.
Goddess Master Class Replay
I have started to compile a library of past free events I've hosted, including those that I had pre-burnout in my old spiritual Facebook group of almost 3K members which I closed when I fell ill and my co-admins couldn't support me any longer for various (very valid reasons). I had these live events recorded on my old YouTube channel which I had to discontinue for technical reasons, so I am slowly transferring and rearranging everything, creating a library on my website that you can visit and browse.
Here is the link, and you may want to check back again in the new year for new additions. Access is free for newsletter subscribers and I am excited to gift you this free resource to support you on your personal development journey. If you haven't already signed up, you can do so at the top of the page and select the spiritual newsletter option.
Tirza's Tarot Tuesday
Tirza's Tarot Tuesday is live ( took me this long to record because I was still somewhat incapacitated physically from Sunday and digesting the very vivid vision I had of Stag and all his message implies. However, here we are and I hope you'll enjoy as always.
This week's reading features Meretseger as Goddess of the week. She is the ancient Egyptian Goddess who guards the Valley of the Kings, and also the Valley of the Queens.
Find out more and watch my weekly Tirza's Tarot Tuesday video below.
To read more about Meretseger, click on the image:
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Lots of love from my heart to yours and see you next week,
Tirza xxx
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